Dear Hot Pocket Crisper,
You're a liar. You claim to be able to make my beloved Meatball and Mozzarella Hot Pocket not only hot, but crispy and more delicious, with your fake foil lining and prolonged instructions. But, in reality, you just burn the very edges, making my once-satisfying lunch sandwich thingy a veritable brick of crust on the outside and a mess of lava-hot goo on the inside. And your "handy" perforated edges designed to help me "fold" you into a device worthy of caressing my edible pouch of goodness - we both know it is but a cruel joke. I attempt to manipulate you into the correct shape only to burn the tips of my fingers and drop my precious pastry onto the floor and cry sad, hungry tears of regret.