Dear Spring Cleaning,
It's about that time, isn't it? I know you hate to see me coming just as much as I hate the fact that we have to do this year after year, but it's time to face facts; in my crappy-weather-induced wintery hibernation, I've become somewhat of a slob.
Laundry has gone undone for record amounts of time. Cobwebs have been allowed to form in forgotten corners. And the backyard has been an oasis for weeds and critters that I'm not even fully prepared to imagine yet. But if I'm to have friends over for crawfish boils and random picnics, cupcake tastings, and other frivolity associated with my impending Spring Fever, then I've got to don some gloves and a scarf and get to scrubbin', weedin', and dustin' the places that I've let go over the last few months.
So, let's be civilized about this, Spring Cleaning. I'll try to get this over with as soon as possible, and you hold off on all those little "surprises" you like to pull - just this once.
No turning up old, forgotten gym socks behind the hamper. No obnoxiously territorial lizards in the flower bed. And if you could curb the dust situation just a tad - I'm already fending off the oak pollen right now and I'm not sure my sinuses can take it.
You're a real pal, Spring Cleaning. The kind I like to see only once a year just so I can say that I've talked to you and all is well, but not enough to make you a part of my "inner circle." You know, like that one girl from middle school that still remembers my phone number...? Yeah, her. Heck, you should probably give her a call, too. Tell her I said hi.